Ego self, no self, true self

I dislike titles. Boyfriend. Girlfriend. President. Valedictorian. Director. Deans lister. Lead. Secretary general. Honors. Sumacumlaude. Winner. Loser.

I dislike how they can define you, how they compartmentalize your infinite capabilities with a finite word, or phrase. It’s a misleading concept because most of the time you’re either less or more than what was bequeathed to you by someone else, or groups of someone else’s. Then we get consumed by either trying to live up to the title, or prove that we’re worth it in the first place.

Back in high school titles played a big part of my life.  I wanted to graduate top of my class. I wanted the lead in the school play. I wanted to be President of my class.  I wanted this award.  I wanted this. I wanted that.

Back then I really wasn’t used to not getting what I wanted. At least not until junior year ended and I didn’t get a couple of things I felt that I was entitled to have. When my ego-self was stripped of my titles, i was left with a no-self, and for awhile it made me feel lost, as if these titles were my only self-defining bylines.

Self-entitlement is a hard feeling to overcome when you believe that you deserved what you didn’t get or that you’re just as good as those who did, maybe even better. Or when you believe that good things happen to good people who work hard, and you’re one of those with the dark eye bags.

But really, why do we need these “titles” to feel self-entitled to in the first place? Because it feels good to win.  Because it feels good to belong to something. Because it feels good to be affirmed for your talents. And that’s precisely what i dislike about titles the most, because as much as I dislike them, that single phrase does in some way anchor who you are in the world. It makes it easier to steer your life.

For a lot of things we aspire for outside of ourselves ,whether that’s acing a test, winning a competition or getting a job, it’s towards a set of criteria. It recently occurred to me that at first that might seem unfair, to have to mold ourselves to fit that certain criteria, then afterwards feeling bad about it when we don’t. But actually, what’s unfair is thinking there’s only one mold, and defining your worth at how well your key fits their lock. Maybe you’re just knocking on the wrong door of opportunity.

Generally I still dislike titles because they constantly threaten to attack that vulnerable spot in my ego, but I know that it has nothing to do with my true-self. The difference is that titles don’t play the same definitive role they used to play in high school anymore.

I work towards my own standards, and if i’m lucky, they coincide with the world’s. For titles only define my ego-self. It’s my true-self that matters.

* Title inspired by Mej.

Drunk on Power Hour love.

Sean Parker: You don’t even know what the thing is yet. How big it can get, how far it can go. This is no time to take your chips down. A million dollars isn’t cool, you know what’s cool? A billion dollars.- The Social Network.

Freshman year feels so long ago. Back then the PH kids were just a bunch of random friends from different schools and courses planning parties over boxes of pizza and bottles of vodka. We wanted to revolutionize the college party scene. How naive we must have sounded, playing with big words and dreaming the far-fetched aspirations of an amateur.

Fast forward three years and five parties later and we might have done just that. Power Hour’s Valentine’s party Love Lock Down gave approximately 2,000 partyphiles an out of body, drop down on the dance floor and dance until you can’t dance no more, partying experience.

Two. Freaking. Thousand. That’s a more than a 200% increase from our last event, which was pretty epic in itself. It’s crazy! But only the true dreamers are.

The PH kids are definitely growing up. During our last meeting we talked about the future, which is still unsure as of now. But I think that the secret to our future success is that no matter how much growing up we do, we should always be kids at heart.

We found our generation’s  fountain of youth and that’s an unlimited pool of alcohol, given to you Power Hour Style. Who knew mixing working and play could be this intoxicating.

Asides from the aforementioned reasons, personally this was my favorite Power Hour for reasons I wont say, but can show instead.

No (wo)man is an island

I was both excited and anxious to write this article. Firstly, because it’s something that I know I can say a lot about so there’s that self-inflicted pressure to articulate everything that I wanted to say. Secondly, by doing so I was risking being labeled as that “Ultimate Single Girl” which might actually decrease my chances at a love life this year haha. Thirdly, I really didn’t want to come off as self absorbed.

But it came out just the way I wanted it to be, maybe even better. I think it’s my favorite article yet! And it made me really happy to get such a response from it. After all every journalist wants to be able to reach out to his or her readers. It’s awesome to know that people – single, taken, boy, or girl – can relate!

Really, there’s no reason for singles to be S.A.D on valentines day or any other day of the year. The pictures on my blog are out takes from my photographer Ean Dacay which I edited. Enjoy :)

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No (wo)man is an island

By: Rica S. Facundo

Despite a population of more than seven billion people, the world can get lonely sometimes. From time to time, we may ask ourselves: are we all really destined to be stuck on a deserted island with no one but ourselves to keep us company forever?

Within him or her is a paradise that is bound to be experienced with others. It’s wasteful not to share the view—an infinite horizon of beautiful possibilities, but not before it has time to let life form them first.

In my case, I have been single since birth. Over the course of my life, I have come across most if not all overused clichés and romantic justifications to explain my lifelong statuses – “when it happens, it happens”, “I haven’t met the one” and “I’m just not looking” may vary on the scale of cheesiness, but secretly, we know that a lot of them ring true to our hearts.

Obviously there many scripted lines found in the handbook for singles, ready to guide anyone interrogated with the infamous and sometimes annoying questions and assuming judgments about singlehood. Admittedly, I’ve used a fair share of them to defend and explain the different chapters of my love life myself (then again, who hasn’t?)

But now at twenty years old, an age of which most undergraduates are on their path of self-discovery, I have no readymade answer to give. That’s because in the face of this burning question, I realized that I haven’t really been paying attention. My life is narrating a different story, with the old script now irrelevant. Prince Charming is now a minor character and the fairy tale has now become reality.

Putting the ‘single and ready to mingle mantra’ and all the fun shenanigans aside, the footnote in every great single love story is this: It’s less about the single activities and more about the kind of person the single person becomes that matters most.

That’s when singlehood moves on from being a stagnant stage in one’s love life soundtrack to a single playlist that one saves for special occasions. Sometimes you’ll even overlook its existence, proving that it’s easy to forget one is single when one is busy enjoying the rest of life’s music. And that’s when you realize it doesn’t matter that you still are.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that all single people have boycotted relationships and continue to parade around in picket lines, holding signs painted with a big red “NO TO LOVE” to scare off every suitor that comes their way, or are unwilling to raise the white flag and negotiate the terms. After all, we are all human with hearts that love and a soul that gets lonely.

Single people, especially those in college, are actually saying yes to the biggest relationship of all time. It’s a yes to themselves, a declaration of which presupposes and enriches any future romantic or even platonic relationship with others. In the first Sex and the City movie, I remember the breakup line that Samantha Jones, a strong and vibrant woman who rarely commits to a life of monogamy, gave to her then- longtime boyfriend. Despite of her indisputable love for him, she said that she’s been in a relationship with herself for 49 years and that’s the one she needs to work on.

We learn in Theology 131: Marriage and Human Sexuality that a relationship is the best context for a person to grow and mature. Like what Samantha points out, a relationship with one’s self should still exist. Some are stronger and more evident than others which in the long run, play a vital role in determining the health of one’s relationship.

In M. Scott Peck’s “The Road Less Travelled”, he defines love as the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.  That’s why it’s a common misconception that love is about completing one another. Rather, it should be about complimenting each other which is hard to do if you start with a self with so many holes to fill.

So, if no (wo)man is an island then why is it that there are so many single people still lingering around? In my twenty years of experience, my answer is this:

You don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy. Initially that’s your job to fulfill. Instead, you can be in a relationship to become a happier self than you already are.

So when my sunrise meets his sunset, each of us painting the sky with our own brushstrokes of color, the image created will not be that of solitary islands, but of bona fide paradise—mine and his combined.”

That is the perpetual question

Overused cliches. We've all used them

Are you an island or a paradise?

Don’t worry, be happy

Waiting in vain in UP

It was a Thursday afternoon. Mara had just left me for her high school friends and my mood was still ripe from the conversation we had earlier. So, I decided to spend the next hour or so snuggled comfortably in one of those Starbucks couches, with my legs slung over one arm of the chair , my back to the other arm and my nose in my book.

Maybe it was the cool of the aircon on a hot day, or the chance to finally have some time for myself and unwind, but as academically crappy and stressful my week was prior to that Thursday,  in that moment I couldn’t help but feel so content with the simple yet enjoyable things that happened that week, or in generally actually.

It’s only been two months into the new year and 2011 has already been pretty crazy and unexpected. My dog died. My terror professors are showing their true colors – a red that’s threatening to put a scarlet letter on my deans list. A couple of my plans that I wanted for myself for 2011 did not push through. I’m mentally (and physically) struggling to get that “bora body.” Plus, juggling and dealing with the responsibilities that come with… well being responsible.

Whenever I feel stressed or frustrated a part of me wants to say fuck the objective reality that’s out of my control.  While the other part of me reminds myself to watch my language because swearing is simply just a futile purge of justification. It doesn’t get me anywhere. Luckily my conscience and optimism is always louder than my profanity.

A story of girl meets dog

Girl meets dog.

This is a story of girl meets dog, but you should know upfront, that this is a love story.

I have been in a relationship with Kippy, my dog, for ten years. That’s one decade. That’s one freaking half of my life.

He was there when I first got my period.

He was there when I fought (and still fight) with my dad.

He was there when I fretted (and still fret) over boys.

He was there when I needed a break from work.

He was there whenever I needed him to be while I, on the other hand, always wasn’t.

The Best of Both Worlds – On internationalism, OPM & my life

I’m taking Jim Paredes’ class “Issues in presentation and performance” right now and our topic is world music and OPM. During our last class he was discussing the Philippine music industry over the years until present and what it takes for OPM to truly make it big outside of the Philippines.

Like all of his lectures it was really interesting and insightful. His point in a nutshell was that although Filpinos are obviously brimming in talent (hello college band scene!), the reason why we haven’t struck a chord in the international music scene is that the music that truly represents who the filipino is never gets the opportunity to be heard which ironically is the edge we need to ever get there. The industry is too concerned being marketeers than musicians.

According to him “Anak” by Freddie Aguilar was one of the very few Filipino songs to have ever gained international acclaim and translated in different languages. And… it was in tagalog.

I’m not going to get into the whole profit oriented bullcrap that drives much of society but he did leave us with this statement to ponder on: “To be international you have to be local.” We had to write a 2 page reflection paper on it. Although I kind of crammed mine the words flowed pretty easily. So, I decided to post it here. Voila, instant blog post!

The Best of Both Worlds – On internationalism, OPM and my life

Have you ever felt like a foreigner in your own country? I have.

I may look like a Filipina on the outside, with my morena skin and brown eyes, but my twang and outspoken nature immediately gives me away. Up close I sound and act like a Westerner.

So the statement “To be international you have to be local” puts me in a difficult yet interesting position. I am Filipino by blood but I was born and grew up in Indonesia up until I was seven years old. Although I came back to the Philippines afterwards I went to two international schools – Reedley and ISManila, both of which gave my upbringing a relatively more Western touch. Studying in Ateneo for college is the closest experience I’ve had to discovering my own roots which is one of the primary reasons why I chose to take my undergraduate degree in the Philippines in the first place.

Because of my background I always felt like I was stuck in between two worlds, that of the international arena and the Philippines. My middle ground meant that I was never completely the identity of the other which I felt was both an edge and disadvantage. Admittedly, I don’t think I’ll ever completely relate with my Filipino friends who have been immersed in the culture their whole lives.  But with my international school community where a tolerance and respect for multiculturalism is abundant it is precisely because I am a Filpino that I can.

What makes studying in an international school unique and interesting is your cultural identity. Although we are all different nationalities it is actually in this diversity where we find unity. Our mindset is trained to engage in an open exchange where each barters their own cultural values, ideas and experiences to learn from the other. This open mindedness is essentially what binds all international kids regardless of where they came from. At the end of the day that’s what makes us proud.

So, in response to the statement “To be international you have to be local” I completely agree. Although I may have started on the opposite end of the question where I was born into an international world first rather than starting out as a local, the question surprisingly still works both ways. Rather than looking at my situation as being stuck in between two worlds, I find that I can get the best of both instead.

Internationalism is the coming together of different nationalities who have their own cultural identity. In this light being local presupposes being international which in relation to what we discussed in class is lacking in the Philippine music industry. There’s an abundance of OPM in the country that never gets recognized because the top dogs think that marketing imitators is what will make our mark in the international arena. Perhaps our talent will be recognized worldwide, like what happened to Charice Pempengco, but our identity won’t and it’s rare that it has. In the long run that is what will make the difference.

Similar to my own experience, if the music industry in the Philippines can truly play to the tune of “To be international you have to be local”, then maybe OPM can finally have the best of both worlds too.

The Bra Code

Every girl needs a bra for support. But sometimes when bros get in the way, it is possible for the clasp to get unhooked which is a no, no in the unspoken law of the bra. So to prevent any indecent exposure, we, Kinky Keena, Dirty Jerene and Spicy Rix bring you the BRA CODE – a set of friendly reminders to keep your bras… and everything else in place.